THE REFLECTIVE ESSAY

 

 My Dear(The Younger), My Love(The Present), My Best(The Future)

My Dear, My Love, My Best.

By Ashley Jake D. Fatingana

             I have always been curious about time-traveling since I was young and how would it affect me as a person. This is because I wonder what will happen if my younger self can meet my future self. Would there be differences in the outcomes if my future self could have warned my younger self about the challenges and hindrances he will face as he grows? Or would it be the same struggles that he will doubt he can surpass? A lot of questions are running through my mind that I want to ask my younger self and future self but the most important question that I want to ask my younger self is “Are you happy?” and for my future self is “Are you still breathing?" Notice the difference between the questions that I want to ask my younger self and future self they are not about something that I have reached from burning my eyebrows at school. Because for me, my younger self should just be happy and not stressed because he is my inner child and he will be the foundation of my future self so I want him to be happy. While on my future self, I just need an update if he is still alive and living the life he chose. 

             My younger self was adventurous and curious about the things around him, always asking questions because he wanted to explore and learn new things. However, the thing that I cannot forget was when I was always smiling unlike now, where I have this kind of resting face that most people are complaining about because I always look sad but I am not. It just became my resting face because of the stress that I have gotten through time. I am hoping that it could be changed by my future self but I want him to change it for himself and not for the sake of the opinions of people. He should also stop minding other people's opinions and perceptions because what matters the most is himself. After all, he is what he is, and not they are he, so he should mind himself, not the other people. Moving on, I am grateful that I have become more confident in my speaking and my academics. I also started joining clubs and more extracurricular activities. I am glad that all of the barriers in my younger self have broken up and let me out of my comfort zone. I am so thankful that my younger self focused on learning rather than playing yet sometimes I think he is too young for that. Learning as a hobby of my younger self might have also neglected my idealism about my grades. This is because he was a consistent achiever and honor student which put me under a lot of pressure that I wish my younger self could have diminished. This is because it made my heart break like a glass balloon when what I expected was not the outcome. He could have not let it fly too high so it could not be at the edge of the danger of shattering.

             I know my younger self well, but I did not know my future self until today because he will constantly change based on the decisions I will make in the present. He was still a mystery to me, which I am not excited to open but I am aiming to discover. I am more scared of my future self rather than my younger self. As he can lecture me or blame me for the decisions I have made that affect him. However, I am hoping he can take pictures of him in the future showing his teeth always. I want him to become not so self-conscious and I want him to get rid of the ice that isolates himself whenever he has no social battery or is not ready to interact with others. I want him to be independent but not forget to ask for help when he cannot do it alone.  Like what I did when I was young, doing it all alone without asking for help. I think what I am saying right now, I just pressured my future self because I am wishing for things that I am not addressing in my present self but I still hope that my future self can.

             I do not know why the only required or needed versions of self to be addressed here were only the future and younger self. The present self also deserves to be recognized as he is the bridge between all the future and younger selves of people. I am saying this because I believe that my present self needs to reflect and deserves to hear or read words of affirmation. Moving forward, I just want to say that I am sorry that you’re living and you are seventeen where all of the struggles come to you. However, I do believe that you can surpass it. Looking from where are you now? So much nearer to graduation makes me so proud and with all of your achievements, there is nothing more I can wish for you except please claim this senior high school diploma and post that “long story short it was a bad time, long story short I survived.” For our future self to be not unmotivated please do not stop listening to the artists that save you in your darkest times and help you do your activities when no one is watching, they are the ones who were singing for you. Just live your life and enjoy it though please remember your limitations and always take care of yourself. This will make your younger self happy and proud and your future self a better person with balance in things in his life.

             My past and future selves are both parts of me, but they are also different from me. They have shaped me and influenced me, but they have not defined me. I am the present self, the one who lives in the moment and makes decisions for the future. I am the one who connects the past and the future, the one who can learn from both and grow as a person and now is the time to close this reflection. I hope that regardless of the versions of myself there would still be the person whose name is “Ashley Jake”. As time pass by I just want to hear that “You’re On Your Own Kid” is good news for my future self because growing up it has been bad news for my younger self. Furthermore, I hope that all versions of myself are happy and still breathing, because that is what keeps us alive. Sometimes you got to be bold, just rock the world! Booyah! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la Happiness! Even so, I have nothing else to say today. Maybe in the coming days, I will be able to think of something to say, and maybe after the exam and graduation, I will reflect again a lot more. To all my versions, just keep shining like a star, not a dead one. Ashley Jake will be proud in any way, just don't forget to buy him a Tesla car in the future. You guys will always be my dear, my love, my best.