THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY

 My Life Journal: Glimpses of Journey.

By Ashley Jake D. Fatingana

     It is one of my goals to reach high honors this semester. Luckily, I did get to be one of the high honors students in our class. I did not expect it because I knew I might be lacking in some subjects and my average might just play around 93.5 to 94.5 but fortunately, I got 95.125. It sparked joy in every corner of my soul that finally I got back on track. What makes me more happy that all of my friends were in the rank 1 to 8 specifically the first row where I am sitting. We got all in rank 1 to 4 and all of us are also with high honors. It is nice to have a friend and knowing the fact that they see right through me as I see right through me makes me more thankful that I have them through ups and downs and the worst and for the better. When you have a friend like them who is proud of your triumphs, you will feel like you have wings to soar higher and farther from your comfort zone. I love this kind of support system where we do not compete but help each other to reach the finish line of this senior high school life.

     Going back to achieving high honors. It was truly my goal to reach it because I think that is what I deserve so why should I settle for less? Joking aside, we should not settle for less and only enjoy the bare minimum. Although the real reason I strive for academics is I have a big dream. Getting such honors can make my parents proud and agree about what course I want to take in college. In the past, they do expect my grade but now it is just like nothing. They just said very good which does not satisfy me because I worked hard for it. Thus, I just celebrate my success with my friends more than with my family because all of them are busy and I am always alone in our house most of the time. My life is like you're your own kid, as Taylor Swift says. I gave my blood sweat and tears for my achievements so when they do not recognize it as I expected. I searched for a party of better bodies where I finally found another kind of solace that I needed and that is with my friends. It is funny that I am more open to my friends than my parents because they give me more attention and they listen to me unlike the latter. 

     Moving on, sometimes we get lost in our expectations that it is too far from the reality we live in. People say you can expect but you should always be ready to be betrayed by your own expectations. Recently, our batch's University of the Philippines College Admission results were revealed. It is not a total pain in my pride that I did not pass but the disappointment it caused me is far away from that. I studied hard and sacrificed too much for it and I expected that I could pass and attend UP Diliman. However, it rejected me and left me wondering what I lacked, and what could I have done differently. When I saw the results, I realized that I should have prioritized the school campus that I was truly aiming for. Because if I had chosen UP Los Baños, I could have passed because my University Predicted Grade was 2.687. The results actually made me feel like a dark cloud was hanging over me and it blocks the ray of sunshine and happiness in me. Anyways, rejection is a sign of redirection, I know that there is a lot of fish in the sea and I have not even yet rowed my boat to the ocean where I could get more opportunities. To be honest, I felt for the first time, a heartbreak that bleeds and never heals when I knew the result. However, I know I will soon get better and be out of the woods. At the end of the day, college admissions were just distant stars that fade in the daylight. If you fail, just remember that tomorrow will come and the worries you have will be memories and your regrets will fade. If you can stop putting too much pressure on yourself right now, you can live without disappointing yourself too much. Do not bite off more than you can chew and overestimate your abilities because they will be inabilities.

     I do not know if this could be considered significant in my life from your perspective Ma’am, but the draining situation that I have this quarter with a lot of groupings where I was the leader was a significant part of my life for me. I remember one night, I could not even let my tears flow down because I cannot afford to, I do not have any extra time to do so. I just focused on the group work to be done. The canceled groupings for reenactment were a big ease. After all, it lessens the pressure I am feeling at that time. This is because all group activities were difficult and almost all are specialized or applied subjects. So I am very thankful that it got canceled and I was not chosen to be a leader again for the short film. It is a great opportunity to be a leader because I am one of the catalysts and changers of my groupmates' future. However, some people do not want to change their lives and choose to be a dumbbell in groupings. This puts me under a lot of pressure even though diamonds are made under pressure. I also realized that I am drained right now because I am near the finish line already. I am now motivated to work under pressure to get those diamond smiles on graduation day.